Well, this has been a long time since I have visited my tumblr. So much has happened since September 7th 2011, that date made my face drop, I will tell you why later.

I am applied in the Bachelor of Arts Major in English and Minor in Psychology at Athabasca University. I do my courses online so I can look after my animals and the house. Although, I have to say this has made me into a house potato. I usually only go outside to do things when Ryan is not working and he is with me. I know this should not be the way, but hey its winter and its cold and the house is so………warm and cozy :D I should actually take pictures of the house to share with you guys! I am going on an adventure tomorrow to purchase a new camera, mine has hit the grave a few months ago. This will get me out of the house, on the bus again and taking photos!

I did have a job at Sears, but for *some* reason I got so emotional and quite. I have made a life here in Edmonton and I do thoroughly enjoy it. 2 hours from my boyfriends family and 2 hours from my own. I have three pets to look after, a cat, a bunny and a growing puppy! Soon my friends dog will be here to keep her company. I truly believe an animal makes all the difference in the aspect of loneliness. Take me for example, I am on meds for my serious depression and my animals help me out a lot! They bring me comfort when there are no humans in the house. I do have a roommate Collin who lives downstairs, a friend of my boyfriends, and now my friend Fallon has moved in and occupies the other room upstairs. Finally a girl to talk to! I am so use to talking to all of my boyfriends guy friends, some female intellect is actually quite the relief!

Actually Collin has quite the thing for Fallon, its quite cute! He gets all nervous and is too afraid to be upstairs haha. I finally got him to come upstairs and now they are hanging out :D Yay!

I am now leading a 100% Vegetarian lifestyle. I started on the 25th of November, as well I have been doing yoga and breathing exercises. All in good timing. I will tell you why September 7th 2011 made my jaw drop: it’s my due date. Yes I am pregnant. Is that a bad thing? Not to me or to Ryan, actually its an awesome way to bring in the New Year. It was semi-planned. Some might think that having a child while I am 20 is a really bad idea, that I am ruining my life. Do you know what I say to those people? You haven’t lived until you look into your child’s eyes for the first time. This is an eye opener for both of us, a tremendous change, but a change for the better. Each day I just pray to God that that little soul is still attached to me, that I will give birth to a healthy baby. Gosh, I still cannot believe that I am pregnant. I  am in love with the idea of having a small little person in my arms, not to mention growing inside of me for 9 months of pure bonding. Ryan and I have an entire plan laid out too. We will give this little person everything he or she deserves! Not to mention more love then you might think you could give to one person. 

I find it awesome that God made me a Vegetarian and a healthy person right before I got pregnant. This is now my lifestyle forever, and honestly it makes me feel more light and happy! I have been reading this amazing yoga book: Journey to Joyful by Dashama. It helps you cope with stress as well as healthy lifestyle choices. It has brought a lot of insight into the world of yoga for me. I believe that if I do yoga throughout my entire pregnancy, my baby and I will be happy and healthy. Not to mention praying will help too!

This pregnancy has brought on some stress for me and Ryan. Will we stay in Edmonton? Move closer to my family or his? How will we save enough money? Who will keep a job and who will stay with the baby. These are all questions that have been running through our minds. 

As for where we will move? We will stay right here in Edmonton. The perfect distance between both families, that way no one has a longer drive, and we don’t have a longer drive to go visit. I am going to start up a day home when the baby is born, that way I can stay with him or her and have them interact with other children. I can stay at home and finish my studies. As well Ryan is going to go to school as well as hold a job, that way he can get and education for a better job and bring some money in. The plan might have some holes in it, but I am an honest believer in praying to God for his help. I prayed to him and asked if we were ready for a child or not. I guess we are ready since he made it happen :)

I never thought I would be the first person in my class to have a child either. I don’t think anyone even expected me to get pregnant at the age of 20. I am truly excited for my journey as a mother! Sometimes I wonder why now? Why not five years from now? That is all in God’s hands, he knows where my life is meant to go, and right now I am supposed to become healthy and happy while pregnant. 

I also got news yesterday that Ryan’s sister is actually 8 weeks right now! My sister is 5 months, so all three of us are pretty close! I am super stoked for life right now! Before I found out that I was pregnant, I was feeling like my life truly did not have enough meaning. I was sad a lot, depressed, and not knowing what to do with myself. Now I know that I am going to be a mother and that life is going to be stressful but worth all of the stress in the world! 

My first appointment is on January 17th, I will be six weeks and four days. They told me it would be a 45 minute session, which is awesome! Time enough to ask questions! I have been reading everything I can get a hold of lately! I know what to eat and what not to eat, as well as symptoms of miscarriage and others. Miscarriage does concern me a little, but I don’t know one mother who was not concerned about that. I am just going to live as I have been for the last couple of months and keep praying, thats all I can do! 

As well I am now meeting up with one of my Journalism classmates here in Edmonton! She is an awesome person to talk to, probably the only one I really talked to in that class! That is definitely something to look forward to, I love catching up! As well I will be catching up with a classmate from my high school, miss Jena! That will be awesome as well :D I cannot wait!

It might seem to you that I have dropped off the face of the planet, that I must have taken a long vacation to an exotic island, or that I found better things in life to do then write a blog. All of those are false, I have just lost my creative streak, but so much has happened in my life I do not know where to begin. 

1. I am now twice the aunty I was before I stopped writing. Thats right, my sister is pregnant once again! Two little nephew/niece’s to play with now!

2. I moved way up to Edmonton, into a house with my boyfriend.

3. I purchased an adorable male labrador retriever :)

4. I am now taking my BA Major in English and a minor in Psychology through Athabasca University. It’s online, so I can stay home with my dog, bunny and kitty cat :)

5. Moved away from my sisters place, cried when I heard that my nephew went upstairs for a nap and started bawling when he saw my empty room :( That is something I cannot get out of my head. 

6. Bought a new laptop, printer and computer monitor 

7. Of course I bought those for my online program AND my web design business! 

8. I have a backyard that I can laze around with all of my critters 

9. I am officially happy. Even though I have gone through some rough patches in my life, and still continue to go through them, I am happy I am alive, and I am happy that I can share my life with those closest to me. 

As you can see, I have not been overly busy, just lacking the creative juices. Right now I am treating myself to baking cookies since I finished my first essay of the semester! Go me! And just finished making some home made potato soup! Delicious. 

I feel so lost right now.

Have not wrote on here for awhile. Nothing new has really happened. Got a Holland Lop bunny, her name is Button. Going to get a dog to keep me company since I will be moving out of my sisters house to start my own Dayhome close to the begining of July. I hope.

Life has taken a turn, I am annoyed today. I am glad I will be living on my own, I need some space, some time to think. Everything is just a blur right now. You think you know where your life is headed and you get smacked up the side of the head and turned around.

I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past three weeks. Right now I am sitting in a bit of anger, for reasons I would rather not explain. At least I have a bunny to keep me happy right now. Something I can hold onto and talk to, even if she is a bit squirmish.

I have not been writing my blog, or even my story. Photography is little to nothing right now. Who am I? Is what I keep asking myself. I am not doing the things that I once enjoyed, even if I do do them, I am not enjoying myself.

Thats about all I have to say right now.

Basically I have written almost an entire months worth of blogs, but I have decided they are too personal to be posting online. Instead I am going to keep them to myself and make my own book. This blog is now going to be used entirely for things that I could care less if they were told to the entire world. At least I would know that my personal personal life, is kept to those in my close knit circle. The online world I have decided should be used in a professional manner, one that will allow you to build relationships with potential employers.

So what have I been up to in the past month? I will tell you in point form.

-On April 2nd it is Jaden’s 4th Birthday and Ryan and my 6th month of dating.

-Went home to family and had a few family surprises, as well as seeing where I will be living in my sisters house during the summer months

-Went to visit Ryan’s family and enjoyed myself immensly

-Decided upon doing a major in Psychology so I can lend a helping hand and an ear to listen while people speak about their probelms. I will go through Athabasca University this Fall to complete this interesting goal in my life.

-Only 1 month left of Journalism before I can get out and have a new adventure

-Only 1 month until I can spend my money on a bunny :D

-I have been taking photographs like crazy

-During the 18-19th of March, I had to restart my entire website due to some malfunctions. Within those two days I built it up again, and it is now running for all to see!. Jeana Marie Photography

-Got to see my nephew and he said something I had no idea a three year old could think of.

Aunty do you have dreams?

Yes I do, do you?

Yes, they are like movies playing on my eyelids when I dream.

-Life has been breathtaking, I am enjoying my life thus far. Dreams of living life in B.C. still clear as day, but that will have to wait for a later time.

-My families Soap Shop is up and running, and I am stoked to have my own photographs up for sale on the walls!

-Within the next week or two I will be creating Heaven Scent Soap Bar’s business website.

So far those are the things I have been doing lately. I will keep you updated on a less personal basis.

This morning I woke up and began packing all of the ready packaged soap and supplies into the car. Since Ryan and I were going to be meeting Jenny at the hotel at 2 for lunch, I could not go into Red Deer with my Mother and Danie to stock up Haven Scent Soap Bar. (Our Store) I tried starting the car, standard, and I failed :( It kept rolling backwards even with my foot on the clutch and the break, when I took my foot off to keep the car running it would lurch backwards. It scared me so I got Danie to start it up. I am not a fan of standard cars at all. 

Danie and Mother left me behind, and I turned on 13 Going on 30 and began packing more soap. I was getting super stressed out, I was not sure when Ryan was going to show up because he was not giving me a definite answer. I was also stressed from the car, and having to pack soap. Around 12:30 Ryan finally showed up. We embraced in a hug that lifted my spirits. It felt so good to be with him again, to feel his presence, I wanted to keep hugging him. 

We began packing soap while watching the movie, sitting as close as humanly possible. 2 pm rolled around and we got ready to meet up with Jenny. Both a little nervous to meet each other. Sitting in the hotel booth we began our introductions and chatted about life. It was relieving to see a familiar face, especially from a person I have been friends with for 16 years now. We pulled out a needle and a thread and tested to see how many kids Jenny was going to have. It was going strange on me for some reason, first a girl, boy, girl then boy, girl, girl. Strange. It was the same on Ryan as it was when I tested it a few months ago, boy, girl, girl. 

Jenny ate a poutine, while Ryan ate a chicken burger and shared a poutine with me, which was super delicious but I was definitely still hungry. We began to depart our lunch, since Jenny had to go back to work at 3. Jenny said good-bye to me then to Ryan, he held out his arms jokingly, not realizing that Jenny would actually give him a hug haha. 

Ryan and I stopped at Co-op, he bought a large bucket of Vanilla ice cream and a cookies and cream chocolate bar. We walked back to my house and began eating delicious ice cream! We threw on Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone. I am making Ryan watch all of the Harry Potter movies because it brings great joy to me :D He was actually enjoying it, he would hold a piece of soap in his hand for several minutes before actually wrapping it. 

Soon he began to fall asleep, so he took a nap. I was hoping that he would wake up happy, because my family was coming home soon. I would place my hand on his stomach and he would smile in his sleep, super cute. Finally I heard the car pull up so I told Ryan to get up. He did, thankfully. 

Jaden came up the stairs, I was super stoked to see him again. Ryan and I began packing soap again, my Mother came and sat on the couch with us. Ryan and her began talking about things, life, school, sanitation for soap, etc. 

After all of the soap, and I mean ALL of the soap was done being wrapped, Jaden pulled out his legos. “Hey Ryan, I am playing with legos, wanna play legos with me?” He really takes a liking to Ryan, I find it cute with how he looks up to him. The first time Ryan came to my house when Jaden was over, my Mother was getting Jaden ready to leave for home. Jaden said to Grammy, “Can you put my hood on?” He never puts his hood on, my Mother had to look upstairs to see if Ryan had his on, sure enough he did. 

Ryan, Jaden and I played with legos for awhile until Jaden wanted to play the skateboarding game, Tony Hawks on Nintendo 64 that Ryan left for him. Jaden got bored of that game quickly because he did not have any other new levels. Ryan played the game to get Jaden two more levels, Jaden played for a minute then turned the game off. We do not have a memory card so all of Ryan’s efforts went down the drain. It was fun for the both of them in the end.

Ryan had to leave for his two hour trip to Edmonton. We said our see you soons, and he departed. My heart felt a little empty without him around me. I am slowly getting use to that feelings, but I still miss him. 

I watched Jaden play his video game until he was ready for bed. He slept in my bed, which he tends to do when I am home. At one point I felt him turn around, place his small hand on my shoulder and he kissed the back of my neck. 

Well this morning woke up to a slamming door by none other than, my very own Mother. Danie had no school so she woke up before I did. She made strawberry pancakes, an excellent way to start the day! 

I tagged as many soap as I had tags! Took me close to three hours with an interrupted phone call by my other half. Oh dear was it ever wonderful to hear his voice again! He talked about coming down tomorrow morning to see me, then going up to St. Paul. I miss him too much to handle, and it has only been two days! We got off the phone and I finished tagging soap. 

I then took a bath, read four chapters of Lirael by Garth Nix. Of course Garth Nix always gives me inspiration to write, so I ended up writing a chapter of my own book! Then I got caught up in ten of my blogs which I have been writing for the last few hours, all while talking to the lovely Jenny :D Which I do say, has been one of thee best texting conversations, and it lasted quite awhile too! 

Danie and I both changed our facebooks to Pirate talk, it makes us happy :D I am stoked to see my other half tomorrow, as well as having a photo shoot with Fallon on Saturday! Helping her out with her camera fo sho man! And a date with the dear Jenny to meet my other half on her lunch break. I am probably heading up to St Paul with Ryan Saturday afternoon. :D 

Now I shall be writing some more of my story, which Jenny has read a bit about :D 

This morning I woke up from thee miss Danie slamming the door yet again. I went back to sleep until Mother got home. I got up and dressed. I asked if she wanted me to make her a website, she said that would be lovely. I began to make her a website, then she brought our an entire box full of soap….then she said, “You can wrap these.” Bahahah! 

She showed me how to wrap the soap, then I was off to the races. Nearly four hours later, I got up from my chair, limbs aching. I took a break then was literally back packing soap. I wrapped nearly 100 bars of soap by myself. 

Danie came home and laughed at me, saying that Mother usually whips her to do her work and she probably will whip me too. I told her that Mother loves me more so she wouldn’t dare haha. All jokes aside, Mother wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone her own children! Danie sure was glad to not be doing anything to do with soap! 

Mother made a few batches of liquid soap as I finished packing soap until we ran out of bags. 

Mother and I watched The Labyrinth…third time in a row for me hahah! I took a bath near the end of it. Then Mother and I talked for a bit until we decided to go to bed since she had to work in the morning. 

Well this morning I woke up to a slamming door by miss Danie! How lovely! She had to go to school this morning..heh heh heh sucker :P Mother came back soon and I fell back asleep. Little did I know that Mother was quite sad. I woke up around 10 and went on my computer. I downloaded music and cleaned out my computer and itunes. Mother and Travis left for his doctors appointment. Danie had come home before school ended, so I got to hang out with her. 

I watched Little Black Book while Danie made veggie dogs and macaroni and cheese. Mother sent her a text saying that she had to make vegetarian shepherds pie because Travis was coming back home. He was supposed to go back to Calgary, but he was now going to stay. 

Apparently Mother cried on the way to dropping Danie off and when she went and picked Danie up. I do not like when Mother is sad. Travis and Mother came home, a few hours after the shepherds pie was done. 

Travis sat on the couch for maybe forty minutes reading. Then he got up, slammed a door and began packing. He asked my Mother is she could drive him back to Calgary. Mother asked why and Travis broke down. I feel bad for him I really do, he is not having the greatest time, so a crying Mother went and drove him back to Calgary. He didn’t even eat shepherds pie. 

Danie and I watched the movie: Wind Chill… well I was watching it and Danie was on facebook, but she kept peeking over so she finally came over and sat down. We then watched The Labyrinth and I began to fall asleep. 

Mother came back home, talked little about what happened, just said Travis was quite sad so she had stayed with him for a few hours. Tiredness struck us all so we went to bread. 

I woke up in a bloody panic when I saw the light seeping through the blinds. I grabbed my phone, 10 am. I woke Ryan up and told him I should be going since my Mother was picking me up around 12. He woke up in a hurry…but with a smile on his face. What Ryan was happy being woken up in a startle? That was something new haha. We rushed out of the house within fifteen minutes. Ryan brought me to my house and we set up my keyboard stand. We then decided to go look for a kapo for my guitar my brother is giving me. That way I could play the song I just learned without having to take Ryan’s kapo. 

We went to guitar place…it was closed until 11. We then decided to drive to another guitar place. Ryan had said something about eating breakfast at A & W. I jokingly said, “Look there’s an A & W.” Not realizing that he would actually go. We ate there and found another guitar store, only it was closed until 12. Darn family day! We found plenty of yellow cars, punch bugs, and P T Cruziers. 

We drove past the first guitar place we went to and it happened to be open. We went inside, and I must say Danie would probably like this store. We found a kapo, I went back downstairs and outside to go grab Ryan’s wallet. He insisted on buying me one, I am not sure why he does these things, we both don’t have money, yet he likes to buy me things I need or could use. 

We got back to my place and Ryan hang out with me until my Mother and Danie came to pick me up. I said good-bye to Ryan, not really wanting to leave him. But today will be a day I will always remember, it was the atmosphere, the sun was shining and Ryan was truly happy, which made me happy :D 

We drove to Travis’s and picked him up. It was good to see my brother again! We were all quite hyper in the car on the way to Red Deer. 

We had dinner at The Rock with Sharie and Jaden. The waitress was pregnant and super slow and annoying. The food took an hour and a half, and half of the table was served ten minutes before the other getting cold food from the kitchen. Travis went to complain, the manager came and said she reamed out her kitchen staff and said she would pay for all of our meals. Jaden had thee cutest little dance!! He is the love of my life :D At one point, I was sitting across from him, he said to me: “Aunty…why aren’t you sitting with me?” so cute!

Afterwards we said goodbye to Jaden and Sharie. Travis, Danie and I went to chapters. We looked at books, ran into Suzanne Danie’s old boss. Mother came back from dropping off my sister. We went to the soap store that my Mother bought for her soap business. It is beautiful in there! We then went to Sharie’s house so I could grab 8 pairs of pants that were too small for her. 

Finally we headed back home. At home Danie baked Travis a cake, which was delicious. I cleaned out the computer, organized and trashed things on the desktop. Seems like I do that each time I come home haha. 

Pretty soon we all decided to go to bread time. A lovely day in the end!